'THE BODYBUILDING BRIT': 'Only real men shave their armpits.....?'

In the words of the simpleton farmer Jesse from Harry Enfield and chums, 'this week I have been mostly.......shaving body hair!'
I'm pretty sure only the English will get that. If you don't, jump onto YouTube and watch a few videos. What a great show! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeUAso9rx-E)

Anyway, as I unfortunately just mentioned I've been spending far too much time shaving off all visible body hair. And bugger me its takes aaaaaaages! Hats off to you women for doing this so diligently coz quite frankly if I was a chick I'd probably end up with manky hairy pits, the legs of a greacy Greek man and an impressively frightening growler!

After careful planning and some harrowing images after stupidly googling 'shaving male body hair' (WHY DID I DO THAT?!?!), I opted for a strategical military style approach to the job at hand, taking out the clippering of the arms and up to the knee of the legs in phase 1. Phase 2, clipper the thighs, the George Bush and yes, the chocolate starfish. The prison purse, the Gary Glitter, the marmite mine hole, hahaha, good one! My self esteem and manly pride wasn't soaring too high at that point, especially when I nicked the sphyncter. YOWZA!!!
Phase 3, razor the arms and lower legs in the shower. Now it was around about this point when I was looking down at my glistening, baby smooth legs that resembled the woman's from the Nair advert, that I thought 'I wonder if Phil Heath, Kai Greene, Branch Warren and any of the other 300+ lb behemoths have to shave their own arses?' Can they even reach it? I mean, I sometimes struggle to put my own damn seat belt on, much to Jess's amusement.
By now I was thoroughly over shaving away every shred of manhood I had, so phase 4, shaving the thighs, has yet to happen. But I did take the ultimate leap and shaved off the old armpit hair and from what I've noticed so far it was put there or evolved to be there for a reason. Every shirt I now wear is instantly marred by glorious stains of pits of love, great big sweat patches, and every so often I'll get the sensation of a new sweat droplet running down my ribs from my arm pits. Yeah I feel sexy! Mum, Dad, you must be so proud reading this!

So what's happened this month? The main thing that stands out in my mind this month and, to be honest, since we started PT'ing and training here in Perth is the negativity and bitchiness of the bodybuilding scene on this side of Australia. Back in Brisbane 3 years ago on the east coast when I was looking to compete, before I got thrown out of the country, everyone was over the moon to hear the news and people would be asking left right and centre how its all going and cheering each other on. I also just had a good mate of mine compete in England in the NPA and all I've read about on their Facebook page is comraderie and congratulations to everyone. Here in Perth though, you mention you're competing and you'll get the same reaction from eeeeeveryone, the slow look from head to toe and back to the head and a bitchy 'really?'

The other thing I've been getting is a lot of accusations, whether intentionally or not, of taking steroids. A week ago I was chatting with someone who heard I was competing and their first thing to comment on when I mentioned I was doing the ANB, a natural federation, was that I should know that I'll get tested. Then a few days later, training in a new gym with my headphones on, I could hear a group of fellow body builders, 2 girls and a guy, who have obviously competed a few times and now know EVERYTHING about the industry, suddenly change their conversation to the subject of 'the juice' when I sat on the bench next to them. Maybe it's me being paranoid and getting bored of the accusations or maybe they're all jealous, hopefully coz that must mean I look ok. I used to take it as a compliment but now people don't believe you if you say you're natural so I don't even bother arguing or saying thank you. I hope it's just the few select bitter people I've come into contact with and things are different come comp day.

Anyway, rant over. Grrrrrrrr! Angry carb depleted hairless polar bear!

So I've got just under 8 weeks to go now. Registration and memberships need to be paid for, tanning booked, posing trunks aka the banana hammock needs to be bought, and a shit load of other stuff needs to be done too. Hmmm, better shift my arse into gear and start taking this serious.

I'm sitting at I think about 8% body fat but have next to zero fluid retention now from dropping my carbs slightly. Now to attack the fat. I also had a new first the other day........a vein! But in my quads, actually a couple of veins. I'm sure that means bugger all to some but to me it means I'm finally shredding these chunky sausage legs up. Hopefully the veins continue coming and it'll look like I've got spider webs stuck on my thighs.

So photos this time are a few progress shots for all you ladies, that pretty much just means you Mum and maybe Nana. Plus what I'm eating everyday. You'll notice that I'm not eating the boring blow my brains out comp diet of chicken, brown rice and broccoli 6 times a day. Screw that! I'm sure it works better but for my first comp I wanna enjoy it so I still eat pretty normal food, just modified to fit my comp macronutrient values. Shows you can get shredded yet still eat great tasting food. I love my food and haven't binged once in 14 weeks and probably, hopefully, won't in the next 8 weeks either.

So I'm gonna stop rambling on now, it's grooming day again and that ass ain't gonna shave itself! Picture that scene, I'll leave you with that image (no photo attached of this event).