And we're back.
This week I wanna share my inner most thoughts and darkest introspective ponderings of the past few weeks. Sharing is caring as they say. I'm pretty sure by 'they' we're referring to those satanic little bastards, the Care Bears! I never trusted them, no one cares that much, they HAVE to have some sort of hidden agenda. Never turn your back on a Care Bear, constant vigilance I say.
Soooooooooooo............
My thoughts just now, which incidentally and slightly oddly is what made me start writing this blog entry, pondered 2 things I've never thought to pair up but I feel they must be siblings of shitness (that's a word, it's Latin origin). I'm referring to............you guessed it, CARDIO...........&.............SALAD!!!!
Lets start with SALAD. Who invented salad and what is the bloody point? You go to a restaurant for a nice meal out and become oddly confused as to whether you should get the 500 gram rib eye on the bone with buttery mash and a blah blah blah jus (gravy), orrrrrrr a salad. Why are we even considering this? I admit it, I myself have almost ordered a salad once or twice, almost, but then I reached down, adjusted my tampon and ordered the biggest meal on the menu, which incidentally was probably cheaper than the salad. So we seem to be caught in some weird subconscious, maybe stimulus-response induced, Pavlov's dogs like, pseudo-conditioning to be attracted to salad. Even though its pretty much useless rubbish. 'Oh but it's full of nutrients and minerals', well so is Swisse Ultivite and that stuffs cheap as chips! I remember one of the trainers back in Brisbane, during the floods, paid $12 for just 1 head of iceberg lettuce. You can get 3 Pizza Hut pizzas for that!!! Lettuce fills you up though. Hmmmm, I was pretty full last time I ate 3 pizzas. Don't go and eat 3 pizzas instead of salad though kids; or Jamie Oliver will get you at night!
Lets move on to CARDIO. The long lost demented half brother of salad (who is also slightly demented, but only slightly). Coincidence that they both have the letters A & D in their names? Hmmmmm?!?! Conspiracy I think not....SCIENTIFIC FACT SOME SAY (mainly me though)!
Let's break it down, CARDIO-RESPIRATORY or CARDIO-VASCULAR exercise. Not once in either name does it mention that doing this will burn away all my fat and win me trophies. Although if there was an H in respiratory you could spell the word trophy from it, but there isn't so you can't. First point to me. Second point is that every time you see that dude that's spent his whole life running like Forest Gump, he's always bandaged from ankle to knee to hip and talks about nothing but his shin splints. Look at the faces of people that are addicted to chronic cardio, they tend to look much older than they actually are. Look at Grounds Keeper Willy from the Simpsons, that dudes ripped and does nothing but cut grass and lift shit all day. And he has such youthful grace to him too. Never seen him on a treadmill, maybe a ride on lawn mower though, which would be classed as anti-cardio really as you refuse to get off and walk.
Either way they're both shit, but for some reason we continue to have them as part of our lives. Why? Who knows. Get them in once or twice a week, when no ones looking, and be done with it.
Right, on a slightly more relevant note, this week is my last week before my first show, I just pooped a bit! Aka, peak week, as I'm trying to peak my conditioning and make any last tweaks to what I've managed to look like after X amount of weeks dieting.
I've seen people walking around the gyms like zombies during this week from cutting out all carbs from their diet and forcing down gallons and gallons of water only to cut it out completely for the last few days so they get that sexy cotton mouth look that most zombies have in Resident Evil. Not for me, screw that. My training stays very similar, maybe back off by 10%, my nutrition stays very similar but I raise my carbs a bit at the start of the week with a few rest days to fill up my muscles and fully recover. I easily and naturally drink over 10 litres of water a day and will continue doing so even on show day because I'm fairly lean and dry now so why try something crazy like cutting out water and screw it up. The body is waaaaaaay too clever and will always beat you when trying to manipulate it to do crazy things for minor gains. Whether this is me being naive or not, we'll find out, but it works with our clients and we've had quite a few winners and top 3 placings, so it should work with me too.
Being at the INBA last weekend was a bit of an eye opener as to the calibre of competition I'll be facing and to be honest I think it's gonna be high. But I see that as a good thing so I can push myself harder and learn from this experience. Its also funny seeing the accusations, whether true or not, of steroids being thrown around by so many people, even myself for a few competitors, and how little seems to be done in the so called natural comps to maintain purely natural, non enhanced athletes. All for a plastic trophy too.
I just wanna whack on a crazy ass chocolate tan so I can finally say I'm darker than JESS and perform in from of 100's of people on a stage in a pair of bright blue panties that make my ass look fat. It's always been an ambition of mine. NOT, honest.......
So I'm sure I had something better to say when I started writing this but I got so worked up about that damn salad and those creepy Care Bears (no one cares that much, seriously!) that I've forgotten. I'm pretty sure I warned you in my first blog about my tangents but I'm guessing you skimmed the writing, looked for certain words like panties, half naked and JESS, then looked at the pictures, only to be horrified that its me half naked in panties, not JESS.
So I'll finish on that note and just for fun here's me half naked in a pair of bright blue panties, strutting my stuff. Mum, you gave birth to a Demi-God, how lucky are you. JESS, all this........is yours, hahaha!! Big bro, I'm sorry you had to see this, think no less of me. All my clients, every time I train you you'll be picturing this from now on. Leave a comment if it lets you, don't know why but hasn't been letting people all along. Please don't comment on my cellulite, I'll cry.
Next entry will be post comp, next week maybe, so fingers crossed I do well and I at least get a medal of participation and they don't just go, urgh, WTF are you doing mate? No medal for you!
Time to go shave my never regions for the big day!!!!
This week I wanna share my inner most thoughts and darkest introspective ponderings of the past few weeks. Sharing is caring as they say. I'm pretty sure by 'they' we're referring to those satanic little bastards, the Care Bears! I never trusted them, no one cares that much, they HAVE to have some sort of hidden agenda. Never turn your back on a Care Bear, constant vigilance I say.
Soooooooooooo............
My thoughts just now, which incidentally and slightly oddly is what made me start writing this blog entry, pondered 2 things I've never thought to pair up but I feel they must be siblings of shitness (that's a word, it's Latin origin). I'm referring to............you guessed it, CARDIO...........&.............SALAD!!!!
Lets start with SALAD. Who invented salad and what is the bloody point? You go to a restaurant for a nice meal out and become oddly confused as to whether you should get the 500 gram rib eye on the bone with buttery mash and a blah blah blah jus (gravy), orrrrrrr a salad. Why are we even considering this? I admit it, I myself have almost ordered a salad once or twice, almost, but then I reached down, adjusted my tampon and ordered the biggest meal on the menu, which incidentally was probably cheaper than the salad. So we seem to be caught in some weird subconscious, maybe stimulus-response induced, Pavlov's dogs like, pseudo-conditioning to be attracted to salad. Even though its pretty much useless rubbish. 'Oh but it's full of nutrients and minerals', well so is Swisse Ultivite and that stuffs cheap as chips! I remember one of the trainers back in Brisbane, during the floods, paid $12 for just 1 head of iceberg lettuce. You can get 3 Pizza Hut pizzas for that!!! Lettuce fills you up though. Hmmmm, I was pretty full last time I ate 3 pizzas. Don't go and eat 3 pizzas instead of salad though kids; or Jamie Oliver will get you at night!
Lets move on to CARDIO. The long lost demented half brother of salad (who is also slightly demented, but only slightly). Coincidence that they both have the letters A & D in their names? Hmmmmm?!?! Conspiracy I think not....SCIENTIFIC FACT SOME SAY (mainly me though)!
Let's break it down, CARDIO-RESPIRATORY or CARDIO-VASCULAR exercise. Not once in either name does it mention that doing this will burn away all my fat and win me trophies. Although if there was an H in respiratory you could spell the word trophy from it, but there isn't so you can't. First point to me. Second point is that every time you see that dude that's spent his whole life running like Forest Gump, he's always bandaged from ankle to knee to hip and talks about nothing but his shin splints. Look at the faces of people that are addicted to chronic cardio, they tend to look much older than they actually are. Look at Grounds Keeper Willy from the Simpsons, that dudes ripped and does nothing but cut grass and lift shit all day. And he has such youthful grace to him too. Never seen him on a treadmill, maybe a ride on lawn mower though, which would be classed as anti-cardio really as you refuse to get off and walk.
Either way they're both shit, but for some reason we continue to have them as part of our lives. Why? Who knows. Get them in once or twice a week, when no ones looking, and be done with it.
Right, on a slightly more relevant note, this week is my last week before my first show, I just pooped a bit! Aka, peak week, as I'm trying to peak my conditioning and make any last tweaks to what I've managed to look like after X amount of weeks dieting.
I've seen people walking around the gyms like zombies during this week from cutting out all carbs from their diet and forcing down gallons and gallons of water only to cut it out completely for the last few days so they get that sexy cotton mouth look that most zombies have in Resident Evil. Not for me, screw that. My training stays very similar, maybe back off by 10%, my nutrition stays very similar but I raise my carbs a bit at the start of the week with a few rest days to fill up my muscles and fully recover. I easily and naturally drink over 10 litres of water a day and will continue doing so even on show day because I'm fairly lean and dry now so why try something crazy like cutting out water and screw it up. The body is waaaaaaay too clever and will always beat you when trying to manipulate it to do crazy things for minor gains. Whether this is me being naive or not, we'll find out, but it works with our clients and we've had quite a few winners and top 3 placings, so it should work with me too.
Being at the INBA last weekend was a bit of an eye opener as to the calibre of competition I'll be facing and to be honest I think it's gonna be high. But I see that as a good thing so I can push myself harder and learn from this experience. Its also funny seeing the accusations, whether true or not, of steroids being thrown around by so many people, even myself for a few competitors, and how little seems to be done in the so called natural comps to maintain purely natural, non enhanced athletes. All for a plastic trophy too.
I just wanna whack on a crazy ass chocolate tan so I can finally say I'm darker than JESS and perform in from of 100's of people on a stage in a pair of bright blue panties that make my ass look fat. It's always been an ambition of mine. NOT, honest.......
So I'm sure I had something better to say when I started writing this but I got so worked up about that damn salad and those creepy Care Bears (no one cares that much, seriously!) that I've forgotten. I'm pretty sure I warned you in my first blog about my tangents but I'm guessing you skimmed the writing, looked for certain words like panties, half naked and JESS, then looked at the pictures, only to be horrified that its me half naked in panties, not JESS.
So I'll finish on that note and just for fun here's me half naked in a pair of bright blue panties, strutting my stuff. Mum, you gave birth to a Demi-God, how lucky are you. JESS, all this........is yours, hahaha!! Big bro, I'm sorry you had to see this, think no less of me. All my clients, every time I train you you'll be picturing this from now on. Leave a comment if it lets you, don't know why but hasn't been letting people all along. Please don't comment on my cellulite, I'll cry.
Next entry will be post comp, next week maybe, so fingers crossed I do well and I at least get a medal of participation and they don't just go, urgh, WTF are you doing mate? No medal for you!
Time to go shave my never regions for the big day!!!!
